Friday, September 13, 2013

The Call

Outside I hear the falling of the rain, slow at first and then a crescendo of water symphony picking up the pace only to gently cease once again to a gentle pitter patter of drops.  I love the rain.  It washes away the dust from the air and the smell is overpowering lending itself to a brand new chapter, a new day, a restart of something fresh.  Life is like that.  Each day we face new challenges, new beginnings, a hope of a tomorrow that will lead us to something wonderful.  Only once in awhile you may hit a rut in the road that knocks the air right out of your sails.   A blow so devastating that you suck in your breath and feel as if you will never breath again. 

August 22, 2013 I had surgery for a total shoulder replacement.  Outside a few complications nothing to do with the shoulder, it went fine.  I was in and out of the hospital in 4 days and finally back home where I could recover in my familiar surroundings, the comfort of my own home.  I find the older you get the longer it takes to recover, but I was determined to be bouncing back in 2 weeks. 

On the 4th day home the phone rang.  Somehow I knew if I picked up that phone it was going to be the one call I did not want.  I hesitated and  said "hello".  It was my sister-in-law and I could tell by her voice this was not going to be a conversation I wanted to hear.  My brother had passed away that morning.  My brother whom I had grown to love so dearly, the brother who I discussed my life with almost everyday of the year.  My brother who laughed with me, at  me and who I confided my deepest secrets with.  The one who was my rock, my safe place to fall.  Please God not this one person in my life who I loved and adored.

It's been 2 weeks and yet seems so long ago.  It still has not sunken in that he is no longer here.  I miss his daily calls "Sunshine, whatcha doin' Sunshine?".  I still can't erase his phone number from my phone, I leave it there, hoping that by some miracle, it will show up as him calling.  By erasing it would mean he no longer exists and I can't handle that.  Not right now.

So until that day comes, the day that I can remember without crying, think without the pain of losing someone you love, I'll just wait for that call that never comes to hear "Sunshine, whatcha doing Sunshine?"  I love you bro - always have and always will. 

Your broken-hearted sister, Brenda